Happy Birthday to us, Conversant Traveller is officially TWO today! This frankly sounds a whole lot better than the number thirty-five which I’ll also be ‘celebrating’ this month.
It would seem that travel blog convention dictates I should now drone on about what a wonderful ride it’s been over the last couple of years. I should gush about all you lovely peeps who take the time to read my mutterings. Then I need to bore you all senseless whilst recapping the best trips since I began blogging. Simply because I have nothing better to write about. Yawn.
Well I guess you know me better than that by now.
Instead, to celebrate our 730 day blog anniversary, I’m going to share with you something that never fails to make me chuckle. And that’s YOU guys and some of the inspired (or frankly baffling) search engine word choices and questions that have lead people to the Conversant Traveller website.
So without further ado, here are some of my favourites from google analytics which I’ll attempt to answer. If you can work out how the rest relate to my blog, then I’d love to know!
Top 20 most amusing searches leading to Conversant Traveller
20 – Older lady wearing muddy wellies
This one’s a joke! As hubbie will tell you (whilst rolling his eyes!) I’m the kinda person who walks around puddles so she doesn’t get them wet, or muddy! And I’m not that old…
19 – Grass 2014
Was it a good vintage that year?
18 – Get well soon you baboon
Yeah, not sure what this one is all about, but I know someone who might…
17 – Where can I buy kif in Chefchaouen?
Whilst I can’t answer that precise question (memories of Chefchaouen are a little hazy!), I can tell you what else to do in the blue city.
16 – Wasp pancakes
Now this search I can understand.
When you’ve travelled non-stop for over 50 hours without sleep;
Followed by being stuck in a Guatemala City bus station guarded by men with guns because it’s so dangerous;
And your bus then breaks down in the middle of the night in a remote jungle and the driver absconds leaving you with a group of dodgy men;
Then you arrive at the animal refuge where you plan to volunteer for the next couple of weeks only to find there is not a drop of water to be had for washing or drinking;
And you subsequently fall very sick whilst stranded on the island in a storm…
THAT’s when anything tastes like heaven on earth. Even if your honey pancake comes with added wasp.
15 – Lichen encrusting
There was this one time, when we took it upon ourselves to do a spot of amateur deer stalking in Scotland, the home of one of the oldest living organisms, lichen.
14 – Buffalo going on the job
Finally something that does clearly relate to Conversant Traveller! We learnt how to plough rice paddy fields with a water buffalo in Laos last year. One of the most fun things I’ve ever done. Although I did get rather muddy, which I didn’t much like! I HATE mud!
13 – Haberdashery findings
I had to look up ‘haberdashery’ in the dictionary, unsure whether it involved curtains or hats. Turns out it’s neither specifically, and since I was expelled from my sewing class at school for being useless and playing pranks, I’m probably not the best person to ask.
12 – Can I get a doggy bag when I have afternoon tea?
Sure, but let me tell you, leftovers don’t look half as appetising after being carted around town in a cardboard box for 6 hours. My advice on London afternoon tea is to just go for it. Worry about being sick later!
11 – Where can I buy a dagger
In a dagger shop?
10 – Istanbul hotel with concubine
Erm, a concubine isn’t exactly a 21st century hotel amenity in the Turkish capital. Ours actually came with free cake (the hotel that is, not the concubine…she was more expensive!).
9 – The nougat guy
No idea about this one. I hate nougat. Almost as much as I hate mud.
8 – Okay tits
Should I find it insulting that this one landed here? I have to assume they’ve been lured in by my post on our birdwatching misadventures rather than my physique.
7 – I hate Laos
This person then spent nearly 45 minutes reading about how I love Laos, so maybe I’ve changed their mind?
6 – Turtle underwear
Erm, has this person been snooping in our sock drawer?
5 – The most naked ladies in Africa
Surely naked is naked? One cannot be more naked than the next naked person. And what’s the betting that next month’s Google Analytics for Conversant Traveller will now come up with lots of ‘naked people’ searches in it. Ooops.
4 – How to smuggle sand in the Galapagos
Now this we do know the answer to…
3 – Royal man tuxedo candle light wallpaper
2 – Can you get tipsy when your hard cheese has wine in it?
I am in the process of a thorough investigation, I will get back to you on this. I may be some time…
1 – Prostitutes in Tunisia / Are there any brothels in Sousse / Where do I find male escorts in Tunisia?
Embarrassingly, there have been over 50 variations of this search! So perhaps I should come clean. I can confirm that yes, there are prostitutes in Tunisia, and there is in fact a red light district in the back streets of Sousse medina. How do I know?
So there seems to be an underlying theme here, namely food and sexy times. I’ve obviously gone about this blogging lark all wrong!
However, I must have done something right, as THE most popular search by far is “how to choose between Erg Chebbi and Erg Chigaga desert in Morocco“.
Now that is something I do have the answer to, right here!
If any of these searches came from you, then I do apologise for giggling at your expense! I honesty am chuffed that such a diverse range of people stumble across my blog.